The Problem With Meeting a Psychologist
by Kitsune Swift
Summary: Is that they try to think they "know" you... and try putting you in awkward situations. The Inu brothers meet the infamous Doctor Phil. Chaos is sure to ensue. OneShot.


_**A/N : Please note, this belongs to my friend Duharme, who is now an author of this site! I dunno if she'll repost this or not, so if she does, be prepared for this one to vanish. I have only gone through and beta'd this for her, and posted it so she could see what the reaction to her writing would bring. She hasn't seen all of the series… And, neither of us means any form of offense with this. But, without further a due, here is her little One-shot!**_

Kagome sat on the off-white couch, her hands in her lap and waited patiently. She had set this up in the hopes of bettering the relationship between the two guys she had practically had to drag along. She knew that if she just kept at it, they'd have to get along eventually.

She looked over at the other couch where they sat. There were just a few people in the room. Herself, two guys at either end of the room with their funky headsets ready to tell Kagome and the others when they were on, and Inuyasha.

Oh, and Seshoumaru too.

That had been quite a feat according to Kaede. About a month ago the Western Lord had attacked the group again, capturing Shippo in order to make sure he could get a one on one battle with his younger half-brother. Kaede, thinking quickly, managed to put together another spelled necklace while Inuyasha held off his brother. This time Kagome had known what to do and the instant the necklace wrapped around Seshoumaru's neck she had shouted, "LAY DOWN!"

It didn't work quite as effectively as Inuyasha's necklace, Kagome had had to say it twice for it have the same results, but it did hold, despite Seshoumaru's repeated attempts to yank, slice, and poison it off. Inuyasha strutted around his older half-brother, mocking him, as each time Seshoumaru tried to attack him or anyone else in the group and ended up with his face in the dirt, though he never did make quite the same impact as Inuyasha. Kaede figured it had something to do with his being a full demon.

Kagome sighed looking at Inuyasha. He had a tiny frown, and his ears twitched in _just_ such a way that… mentally shaking herself, she quipped, "If you break that one I won't hold myself accountable for the floor."

"Hmph," he said and stopped toying with the tiny microphone the staff here had pinned to his shirt. He looked out of place here, with everyone else in suits. Of course, Seshoumaru looked even more out of place. Kagome had figured it would have been pushing too far to ask either of them to where suits or anything modern.

Seshoumaru looked as composed as he ever did, his hand twined around the spelled necklace which glowed every now and then and he tried to break it. Seeing Kagome eyeing him he turned away and dropped his hand from the necklace.

"Why do we have to be here again?" Inuyasha spoke up. There was annoyance written all over his posture.

"To try to iron out your differences," Kagome answered. "If he's going to be travelling with us, you two need to be on better terms or we'll all wake up one morning and find scraps of both of you all over the place!" Inuyasha crossed him arms with a "feh" while Seshoumaru's face twitched into a small, barely discernable smirk.

"Okay guys and girl," one of the two head-phoned guys said, "You're up."

"About time," Inuyasha complained. The three of them got up and moved the right-hand door. They stood just off-stage and listened to the show host as he announced them.

"We have some very special guests today for our 'family problems' show, a pair of brothers who have one of the worst relationships I've heard of. Please welcome Miss Kagome Higurashi with the brothers Inuyasha and Seshoumaru Taisho!"

The applause rang out as the three of them moved the couch in the center of the stage, the balding man smiled and clapped from the other side of the stage.

"Stupid lights," Inuyasha grumbled. Kagome had to agree, the lights were a bit too much, but she had been on stage before so she was sort of used to it. Seshoumaru said nothing.

Dr. Phil held out his hand to shake Kagome's and she smiled and greeted him before sitting down on the chair to one side of the main couch. Inuyasha looked suspicious as he copied the motion sitting on the couch and Seshoumaru simply looked at Dr. Phil until he waved to the couch uncertainly. Seshoumaru remained passive as he sat as far from his brother as he could.

"So," Dr. Phil started as the applause died down, "I hear you two don't like each other?"

"That's putting it mildly," Inuyasha said grumpily, his arms folded.

The host focused on Inuyasha and looked to his cue card. "What's this I hear about you calling Seshoumaru a demon?"

"It's the truth," Inuyasha answered straight up. The crowd booed, earning a large glare after the half demon jumped in surprise.

"You know, it's not very nice to call him names like that," Dr. Phil said frowning.

Inuyasha looked over at Kagome incredulously who pouted. He looked back at Dr. Phil, disgruntled. "I'm not calling him names; he really is a full-blooded demon." The crowd made their unfavorable opinion again. Inuyasha clenched his hands, attempting to remain where he was…

Or incur the incredible wrath that was Kagome.

"He doesn't look it to me," Phil said looking to Seshoumaru who was staring at nothing in particular. "He looks like a self confident young man." The audience agreed, loudly. Seshoumaru gave no sign he had heard.

"Hah!" Inuyasha laughed sourly, rolling his golden eyes.

"Now, Seshoumaru, it says here that you call your brother a half-demon." Dr. Phil tried, turning to look at the regal "man".

"He is only my half-brother," Seshoumaru answered to the air in front of him. He had ended up closing his eyes, not really caring about the activities around him.

"It sounds to me like you think he's better than you."

Seshoumaru's hand twitched and he glanced quickly at Kagome before looking over toward the exit, almost forlornly. Phil waited for him to answer, and when it became obvious he wasn't going too, looked at his cards again.

"Do you two fight very often?"

Inuyasha answered in an almost growl, "Any time he wants to I'll be ready to take off his other arm." The crowd shouted out at that in disapproval.

"You're the reason you're brother only has one arm?" Dr. Phil looked surprised. "What in the world made you do that?"

"Hey!" Inuyasha shouted back at the crowd, "I wasn't about to let him bite my own head off!"

"Inuyasha..."Kagome said warningly as Inuyasha jumped off his seat. "Grrrrr..." But he sat down again, twitching angrily.

"It looks to me as if this is a bit one-sided," Phil said as the crowd calmed down. "What do you think?" he looked to Seshoumaru.

Seshoumaru smirked, "I would very well have 'bitten his head off' if I'd had the chance." The crowd erupted into jeers again, obviously not having expected the retort from the rather calm young man.

Inuyasha growled. "Do we _HAVE_ to be here?" He asked Kagome.

Kagome lifted her chin. "It was the best way I could think of to get you two to be nice to each other!"

Inuyasha sulked. "Like that's ever gonna happen."

"Calm down! Calm down!" Dr. Phil motioned at the crowd, then he turned back to his guests. "Now, what caused such animosity between you two? Was there any preferential treatment by your parents when you were kids? Were either of you favored at school?"

The younger brother quirked a brow before realization seemed to dawn on him. "Oh, you mean that place Kagome always disappears too? Feh, never went."

"You were home-schooled?" the tone was incredulous.

"Guess you could say that," Inuyasha smirked this time, letting the human think what he would.

"What about your parents?" Phil asked again.

Inuyasha shrugged, "Dad gave us both swords," he looked at Seshoumaru through narrowed eyes. "Though HE keeps trying to steal mine."

"You don't know how to wield it properly," Seshoumaru answered the air, though there was a small, coy smile playing about his lips, "I could put it to much better use."

"That's it!" Inuyasha jumped out of his seat and glared at Seshoumaru.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome shouted from her chair. Seshoumaru had looked at Inuyasha as if daring him to attack. "Inuyasha s- get back on that couch right now! No fighting!"

Inuyasha growled as the crowd continued to jeer at him. "Hmph!" he sat back down quickly fuming. "I don't see why we're asking _this_ guy's advice; all he ever seems to do is misunderstand everything I say!" He glared at Kagome's warning pout. "Don't tell me you're going along with this guy?"

"He happens to be right," Kagome answered. "And besides, you need to learn to control your temper. Even Kaede said so." The crowd was more or less quiet, listening.

"Hah! That old hag? What does she know?" He turned away from Kagome. A few more sneers and jeers rose from the audience at the choice language.

"Now now," Dr. Phil entered into the conversation. "I think maybe you two need to work together (Hmph!) on a small project just to prove that you aren't as evil as either of you seem to think the other is."

Inuyasha scrunched his face up in confusion, staring at the time-traveling girl, "What did he say?"

"You two should work together on something for once instead of fighting all the time." She answered. "And yes, I think he's right!" she nodded her head fiercely.

"grrrrr..." Inuyasha growled.

"I also believe she has a point," Seshoumaru said softly. Inuyasha, Kagome and Dr. Phil looked at him. Inuyasha with disbelief, Kagome hopeful, and Dr. Phil pleased. Seshoumaru turned to look at his brother. "Perhaps there is something we can work together on."

"Are these lights frying your head or are those prayer beads too tight?" Inuyasha asked warily.

Seshoumaru smiled making Inuyasha even more uncomfortable and Kagome slightly suspicious. The Prince of the West never _openly_ smiled… nor did he ever smile period… "That's the spirit!" Dr. Phil broke in, "A little team work to start with, just to prove you don't have to be enemies!"

"What're you up to?" Inuyasha asked with narrowed eyes. Seshoumaru leaned closer and started to whisper in his ear while Inuyasha tensed up like a spring. His eyes went from suspicion to a gleeful grin of plotting to an almost somber expression as he considered whatever Seshoumaru was saying. Seshoumaru pulled away and waited looking at Inuyasha with that same, very disturbing smile.

"Hmmm..." Inuyasha appeared to debate in his head. Then he looked at his brother with a smirk of his own. "I suppose I _could_ try working with you this once. But no promises later!" He added enlarging his smirk. Seshoumaru looked back into space with the same smirk on his face as well.

"This could be great progress here folks!" Dr. Phil announced to the audience and the camera. "We'll be right back to keep working on this after this short commercial break!"

Seshoumaru nodded slightly and Inuyasha stood up. He started to walk past Kagome to the stage exit. "Where are you going?" Kagome asked, suspicious.

Inuyasha looked at her and said sarcastically, "I gotta go to the bathroom. Do I need permission for that?"

"You know where they are?"

"Sure," He shrugged. "They showed us when we came in."

"Ok..." Kagome still seemed a bit unsure as Inuyasha passed her chair. Just as she looked over to see what Seshoumaru was doing she felt a hand clamp over her mouth.

"NOW! I GOT HER!" Inuyasha shouted to Seshoumaru while he held Kagome's mouth to keep her from saying anything.

Seshoumaru got up swiftly and went directly to Dr. Phil who whirled around to find out what was going on. One quick pass with his poisoned hand and the show's host fell. The crowd started screaming but Seshoumaru hesitated, looking over to Inuyasha.

Inuyasha shouted out to the crowd. "I'd leave if I were you! Unless you wanna die!"

Kagome kept batting at Inuyasha and yanking at his hand angrily. Seshoumaru simply jumped up and slashed at the lights bar, successfully darkening them and loosening a strut to fall down into the first row of the now empty seats. Everyone had dashed for the exits before Dr. Phil had hit the ground.

Seshoumaru turned to Inuyasha. "I don't suppose you want to be free from these cursed beads as well, do you?"

"Hey," Inuyasha growled. "Kagome is. Off. Limits!" Seshoumaru stood where he was and flexed his hand. "I'm warning ya! Get any closer and I'll have her shout it twenty times!"

Seshoumaru sighed and started to walk off-stage away from Kagome and Inuyasha when Kagome finally slipped down under her captor's hand. The crashes were heard for three blocks in all directions.

"SIT! SIT! SIT! LAYDOWN! LAYDOWN! LAYDOWN! IF YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN I'LL- !"

_**S/N : So, there we go. Disclaimer : Neither myself or the Lizard own Inuyasha or Doctor Phil. This is meant to be purely fictional, and is not to be taken seriously. If you have taken it seriously and are offended, we truly apologize. Other than that, please, tell us what you think!**_


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